Love Is Not Forgotten
by weelee
Summary: Alternative ending for the showdown. Sandy doesn't know what to think or do so leaves Newport.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any members of The O.C.

**Love Is Not Forgotten**

Sandy: did something happen between you and Carter Kirsten:_ (with her back to Sandy) _ugh don't do it like this  
Sandy: just tell me  
Kirsten: _(turns around) _is that what you really think  
Sandy: is it so crazy, you have a close relationship with this man when we're going through a hard time and when he leaves you go on a bender  
Kirsten: well nothing happened, the same way nothing happened between you and Rebecca  
Sandy: why are you bringing that up again  
Kirsten: _again (moves closer) _Sandy what do you think this is, what do you think Carter was about  
Sandy: I want you to tell me  
Kirsten: _(looks at Sandy) _you left me  
Sandy: _(looks at Kirsten) _did you have an affair with him  
Kirsten: you don't get it do you  
_(Sandy looks at her, Kirsten looks at him and then walks out of the kitchen)_

Sandy: no...

Sandy stood there as still as a leaf. He didn't know what to think. Had he hurt her so bad that he pushed her into Carter's arms. He knew that they had been spending a lot of time together but he thought it was about the magazine but now he realised she wanted to spend time with Carter_. Does she still love me? _He repeatedly asked himself that question even though it scared him to death. All he wanted to do was make her happy and if that meant her leaving him to be with Carter then he would allow it. Feeling defeated he dragged himself up towards their bedroom and grabbed a small suitcase from the wardrobe. He collected essentials for the next couple of days until he could actually face coming back to talk things over with the boys about what was happening. As he was looking through the wardrobe he came across objects that reflected one of the happiest days of his life- his wedding to Kirsten. His fingers delicately traced the front cover of their wedding album. Opening the front page he saw Kirsten's sparkling blue eyes and radiating smile staring back at him. He gathered his suitcase along with the photo album and their wedding video and sat in the family room. He put the video in the VCR and sat on the couch watching the video and going through the photos. He couldn't stop the tears that were flowing down his face and landing on the photos. He didn't want to admit that he had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him. After watching the tape he picked up a piece of paper and pen and starting writing the hardest letter he ever had to write. He left the letter on the kitchen worktop. Looking around the house he made his way to the door. He opened the door and whispered "I love you forever and always Kirsten", and with that he left. He decided that he would go to the place where his life finally had some meaning- Berkeley._  
_

_**At a bar**_

Meanwhile Kirsten sat in a fancy bar. She is touching her wedding ring. She lets go of her wedding ring and brings her hands up to the necklace Carter gave her. She unclasps it and drapes it across the napkin that the glass is sitting on. She strokes the pendant with her finger and looks at it for a few seconds. She throws some money down on top of it. When she gets in the car she quickly tries to phone Sandy to apologise but can't get any answer. She quickens the speed she's going at. All she wants to do is apologise and tell Sandy that she loves him, always has and always will.

She pulls up in front of the house and immediately notices Sandy's car isn't there. She runs into the house and shouts Sandy's name but there is still no answer. As she enters the kitchen she sets her eyes on a piece of paper with her name written on it. Her shaking hand picks up the letter and gradually opens it. Her heart starts to pound in her chest as she reads Sandy's emotional words.

_Dear Kirsten,_

_I know the last couple of months have probably been the hardest we've ever had to face. I thought we were strong enough to conquer the problems we have but tonight I realised that I went too far this time. Wanting closure with Rebecca made you think I loved her but believe me when I say I love you more than anything in the world. I want to be honest with you so I will admit that I kissed Rebecca. I needed closure for what happens all those years ago but when I realised that I had to stop living in the past and concentrate on my future with you it was too late. I know that I'm not good enough for you. I've known all along, ever since the day I met you. For all these years I have tried not to let my insecurities about Jimmy affect me but I kept thinking that I was second best to Jimmy and that maybe you would have had the life you deserved if you hadn't had married me- the poor struggling Jew from the Bronx. My dreams came true the day I met you but your dreams were diminished the day you met me. I'm sorry I haven't given you the life you want but all I want is for you to be happy which is why I want you to be with Carter. I know that something went on , I could tell by the looks you gave each other and all that time you spend together wasn't all about the magazine. I know that I don't make you happy anymore so if you love Carter then be with him. He can give you the love and security that you are worthy of. I cant believe that I am actually writing this letter. I thought we would grow old together and become grandparents together. You know before Rebecca came along I was going to see if you wanted to try for another baby, hopefully a beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed replicate of her mother but I guess I ruined that fantasy. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and I always will. Nothing could make me stop loving you. I'm going away for a few days to a place where I think you and me were both happy but when I come back we can talk about what you want to do about a separation or divorce and we have to explain what's happening to the boys. Be Happy Kirsten, even if that doesn't include me anymore. That all I want for you. Be Happy._

_Love you forever and always,_

_Sandy xxxxxx_


	2. Chapter 2

Kirsten couldn't halt the ever flowing tears. She couldn't believe Sandy thought she was in love with Carter. Sure there was an attraction but not love. Nothing could make her stop loving him. Her heart ached with pain as she thought about how Sandy thought he wasn't worthy of her and how he put her happiness before him. She didn't know what to do. She sat down on the couch still holding the letter. She was repeating his words in her head. _Be happy. Be happy, even if that doesn't include me. _How could she be happy without him? He was never second best, especially not to Jimmy. She couldn't believe he had wanted another baby, she had always wanted to but things always got in the way. As she lifted her head she caught a glimpse of her wedding album on the table. She realised Sandy must have been looking through it. She carefully opened the album and smiled at the pictures in front of her. As she touched a picture of Sandy she felt dampness. _Sandy must have been crying. _She thought to herself. She noticed the TV remote lying on the couch, so she pressed play. On the TV came a happy newly wed couple dancing to their favourite song _Don't give up on me by Solomon Burke. _Kirsten laughed as Sandy picked her and spun her round as he declared his love for her in front of all their guests. As Kirsten sat and reminisced about the good times in her and Sandy's life she suddenly thought about where he could have went when it clicked- he must have went to Berkeley. That 's when Sandy's was the happiest. Kirsten quickly ran to the bedroom and grabbed some clothes and the essentials. She left the boys a note saying that she and Sandy were going away for a couple of days and that she would contact them tomorrow. She wasn't going to give up on their marriage. She just had to tell Sandy how she really felt.

**Berkeley**

Sandy sat on a bench overlooking a beautiful water fountain. It was on this very bench that he told Kirsten he loved her for the first time and where she told him she was pregnant with Seth. He held a picture of the whole family- Kirsten, Seth, Ryan and himself. He sat there for hours going over the events of the last year and how his life had changed so drastically. He never thought that this would ever happen to him. He always thought that he would spend the rest of his life with Kirsten, never once thinking he would be the one to ruin things. If only he could have forgotten the pain Rebecca had caused him and just forgot about her instead of needing to say a proper goodbye and get closure. He destroyed his future by worrying about his past.

Kirsten drove the distance to Berkeley hoping to find Sandy. Her vision was blurred by the tears in her eyes, they just wouldn't seem to stop. She couldn't forget what Sandy had written in her letter. It pained her to think she had caused Sandy to doubt her love and their marriage. She had a feeling in her heart where he would be, it was their favourite spot in Berkeley. It was early in the morning when she reached Berkeley. From a distance she could see the lights illuminating the water fountain. It was beautiful. She prayed to God that Sandy was here. As she got closer she recognised Sandy's car and sped up. She parked the car and jumped out the car shouting Sandy's name as loud as she could.

Sandy thought he could hear Kirsten's voice shouting on him but he knew she would never come after him. It was only as it got louder he stood up and turned around. It was then he saw her coming towards him. Kirsten noticed a figure stand up, so examined the person to see if it was him. The moon light lit up his face and it was then she saw the confused but happy face of Sandy staring back at her. Their eyes met and they could both see the love and pain they were both feeling. Kirsten quickly ran to him as fast as her legs could carry her and flung herself into Sandy's arms. Sandy couldn't believe she actually came looking for him. He was ecstatic as he held her close to his body. He buried his face in her shoulder and let the tears flow . Kirsten was in tears too by this point and relaxed into Sandy's comforting embrace. She knew why he had chosen this spot to come to as she will always remember it was the place she made his dreams of becoming a father come true. They clung to each other fiercely before they pulled back and looked deep into each others eyes.

"What are you doing here Kirsten? I wasn't expecting you to come after me." He was still shocked that after everything that had happened she was the one to run after him.

"How could I not come after you! I couldn't let you think that everything you said in that letter was true. I will never stop loving you Sandy. I love you will all my heart."

"But what about what I've put you through and the thing with Carter?" Kirsten held his hand and led him to the bench where they sat down looking at each other.

" Sandy, the thing with Rebecca really did hurt me. I thought that you loved her and that her coming back into your life made you realise that you settled for second best. I thought I was second choice just like you felt with Jimmy. Rebecca is the complete opposite of me and I wondered why you married me when you already had the perfect women. When I saw Rebecca in your office that night my heart sank, I saw how beautiful and perfect she was for you and from that moment I knew I had lost you."

"Kir…" Sandy tried to interrupt her but she wasn't finished.

"Let me finish ok" Sandy looked deep into her eyes and saw the pain this was causing her but knew she had to release this pain so they could move on. He needed to know how she truly felt.

"When you didn't tell me about her I didn't know what to think. I thought that you loved her not me and that maybe your were having an affair. She caused our marriage to crumble. When you left me on valentine's day to be with her I knew we would never be the same while she was still in our lives and that's why I went to see her. I needed to know how she felt about you. I knew in my heart she was in love with you but I didn't want to accept it. I never doubted our marriage until Lindsay's party when you blamed her leaving on me. We had become strangers by this point and I didn't think we be able to come back from it. Then you made it worse by running after her again but when you phoned me that day to tell me you were coming home, I knew that we weren't doomed. I felt nervous when I saw you get off that bus but when you kissed me in the rain I felt happiness run through my body. I loved feeling close to you again." Sandy placed both of her hands in his and watched as she breathed a sigh of relieve from releasing all of her pent up feelings.

"Kirsten I want you to know that you were never second choice to me and that you are my perfect woman. All men want you and envy me for having you. When I met you I knew that I couldn't give you the life you had but all I wanted was to make you happy. I know people doubted us in the beginning but what matters is that I love you and I loved you all along. Our love is too strong to be broken. No woman could come anywhere close to you, especially not Rebecca. My feelings when I was with her are nothing compared to the love I feel for you." Kirsten knew he was being sincere. She leaned in and gave him the sweetest, softest of kisses.

"I love you so much Sanford Cohen. Always have and always will."

"I know that what happened with Rebecca caused you so much pain but I need to about Carter. I need to know what happened and your feelings for him. Just be honest with me." He wasn't sure if he truly wanted to know what happened. He knew Kirsten loved him but she could also love Carter.

"Carter came into our lives when we were having a pretty hard time. He noticed that I didn't have my wedding ring. I know I told you I lost them but the truth is I took them off to see if you would notice. I'm so sorry for doing it and then when you gave me that plastic ring I couldn't believe you had gone through all that trouble to stop me from doubting your love which I had done previously to that moment. After that even though things were better between us I couldn't stop my attraction to Carter, even Julie picked up on it. Then you became friends with him and it made things awkward. I even made Erin break up with him because I was jealous of them. When we went to feather brook I realised that I definitely felt something for him. We were too drunk to drive home and they only had one room. Being alone with Carter made me nervous and I knew I had to get home away from him to stop something from happening." Sandy's heat was beating so fast right now that he thought he was going to have a heart attack. He wanted to scream to release the pain and anger he was feeling. He started to cry again which in turn made Kirsten cry. He turned his head away from her. He couldn't look at her as she said these things about another man. Kirsten could see how this was affecting him and gently touched his cheek to made him look at her.

"Sandy please look at me. I need to tell you this so that we can hopefully move past it and concentrate on our future."

"How can I sit and listen to you talk about falling in love with another man. It's too hard Kirsten, I cant do it." Kirsten put both her hands on his head and looked him straight the eye.

"I never said anything about loving him. Just let me finish. I know this is hurting you but you hurt me with Rebecca." They sat looking at each other as Kirsten continued with her story not allowing Sandy to look away from her.

"When you went away from Miami with the boys I invited Carter to dinner at the house. He told me he had been offered a job somewhere else. We had a couple of bottles of wine. Sandy……..we kissed. I'm so sorry." Sandy didn't know what to do with this information.

"Why Kirsten? Why? Please tell me nothing else happened."

"Of course not Sandy. It was only a kiss. Please believe me. I know what I did was wrong but I thought I was losing you Sandy. Don't you understand Carter is you. Carter was what you used to be like. He filled the hole that you left. I only went to him because he reminded me of you and what we used to be like. I never loved him. I could never love another man apart from you. You are my life. If you left I would have no reason to keep going. My heart only beats for you." Sandy sat still, not moving. Kirsten stared at him worried about what he thinking and what he was going to do. He suddenly lifted her and sat her down on his lap, holding her close.

"I'm so sorry for what I done to you. I never meant to hurt you so badly. Please, please forgive me. I'm so sorry you had to look to someone else for comfort. I know we can move on from this."

"Sandy of course I forgive as long as you forgive me. We've caused each other so much pain but now we know the truth and how each other feels. We're no longer strangers but the couple we've always will be. We're Sandy and Kirsten: The moral centre of the universe." This made both of them laugh. Sandy was glad to see her radiant smile again.

"I love you Kirsten Cohen."

"I love you too Sanford Cohen" Sandy gently stroked her cheek with the back of his hand before pulling her in for a passionate kiss. They sat there under the moon light kissing for several minutes. They pulled apart and just sat together looking at the fountain both knowing they would always be together and that nothing could tear them apart. Kirsten stood up and held her hand out to Sandy. He placed his hand in hers and clasped his fingers around hers.

"Come on swinger, lets go home." Kirsten burst into laughter as he made a reference to their terrible new years party as they walked towards their cars hand in hand.

"So how is this going to work? Will we drive home separately or together and leave one of the cars here." Sandy wanted to spend more time with her but if he got home first he could plan a little surprise for her.

"Well we may as well drive home separately. Saves us from having to come back for the other car." Kirsten really didn't want to have to drive back up for the car the next day.

"Ok well I'll see you soon. I love you." He whispered before giving her a quick but passionate kiss.

"I love you too." They headed towards their cars each wondering how their night would end when they got home. As Sandy drove away he blew Kirsten a kiss while contemplating his plan. He wanted to finish the night with something special to show Kirsten how much he loved her.


	3. Chapter 3

Sandy drove as fast as he could. He wanted to get home before Kirsten so he could set up his surprise. He wanted to show her how special she was. He quickly parked the car and rushed inside the house then made his way to their bedroom. He searched the wardrobe for what he was looking for. He had already picked up some fresh roses on the way home. He quickly prepared the house for her surprise.

Kirsten arrived a half an hour later. She had no idea why Sandy had drove so fast. She stepped inside the house and couldn't stop her mouth from dropping in surprise. There was a trail of red roses on the ground and as she followed the path she realised they led to the bedroom. She slowly made her way towards the room where she found a single red rose lying outside. She bend down and picked it up, inhaling it's sweet scent. She opened the door and was stunned. The room was filled with vanilla scented candles, the bed was covered in rose petals, there was a bottle of champagne chilling next to the bed and one of her favourite songs was playing in the background _Twenty Two Fourteen by The Album Leaf._ She could feel tears forming in her eyes. Sandy was silently watching her, his heart pounding in his chest at what he was about to do. He stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, kissing her hair.

"Aw Sandy, you didn't have to do this."

"I just wanted to do something special for you to show you how much I love you." She turned around in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck while leaning in and giving him a soft kiss.

"There is something else that I have to do. I've been wanting to do this for a while but certain things got in the way and I think that after everything that's happened lately that this would give us a new start together." Kirsten was looking at him totally confused. She had no idea what he was talking about. She gasped as Sandy slowly bent down on one knee and brought out a ring box from her trouser pocket.

"Kirsten I know that the last few weeks haven't been our best but I love you and will love you until the day I die. Will you Kirsten Cohen become my wife again?" Sandy waited for a response wondering if maybe this was too fast for her.

"Of course I will Sandy." He took off her old engagement ring and placed the new ring on. He immediately got up and spun Kirsten around then placed her on the ground and kissed her with all the passion that filled his body. They pulled apart and looked deep into each others eyes feeling the love and devotion that was in them.

"I love you Sandy. Thank you for all this"

"I love you too. I guess we have a wedding to plan." This mad Kirsten smile with excitement. Sandy noticed the music was still playing so held his hand to Kirsten.

"May I have this dance?" Kirsten placed her hand in his and Sandy pulled her close to her. He held her hand in his close to his heart while his other hand rested lightly on her back and her other arm wrapped around his neck, playing with his hair. They swayed slowly to the music. They were both thinking about how the night had changed so much. Here they were dancing in their bedroom in the early hours of the morning when hours before they thought they had lost each other and were on the brink of divorce. They knew they had survived the hardest bump in their marriage and that they would always be together. Sandy stared at his beautiful wife and wondered how he got so lucky. He brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face. They looked at each other as Sandy gently placed delicate kisses first to her forehead, then nose, cheeks and chin before reaching her lips. The kisses were quick, soft ones before their pent up passion took up and their hands started to wander over each others bodies and the kisses became long and hard but still loving and tender at the same time. Sandy's lips started to wander down to her neck, kissing her collarbone. He wanted to make love to Kirsten all night long but didn't want to rush her. It had been a while since they had last been physical with each other so he pulled back. Kirsten stared at him in shock.

"Sandy why did you pull away? Don't you want this?"

"Of course I want to. I just wanted to make sure you were ready. I don't want to rush you into something you don't want to do. We haven't exactly been physically close lately and after everything that's happened I don't blame you if you want to wait before we make love again." Kirsten fell in love with Sandy all over again at that moment. She couldn't believe how considerate of her feelings he was. She grabbed hold of his tie and pulled him towards her.

"Sandy I love that you care so much about me. I want to make love to you so much. I've missed not having you so close to me. It doesn't matter what has happened, it's in the past. I want tonight to be the beginning of our future. I want to spend the rest of the night with you holding me in your arms." Sandy smiled at her with his eyes lighting up. Kirsten gradually unbuttoned his shirt after she removed his tie. She ran her hands over his bare chest before leaning up and kissing him. They hands removed the rest of each others clothes slowly as their kisses became increasingly passionate. They moved onto the bed where they spent the rest of the night together. The recent events totally erased from their memories. Tonight was the start of something new in more ways than one.


End file.
